Fade Like A Star
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Baavira Week Day 3: Hollywood. Kuvira is an actress. A few years in the industry distorts her self-perception. Unknown to Baatar, his celebrity girlfriend suffers from anorexia.


It isn't so pretty behind the scenes. The industry has taught her a lot of things. It taught her that privacy is a blessing and that everything she does is up for critique and speculation. It taught her that she has to truly safeguard her secrets. It taught her that there aren't friends, that friends are not safe to keep, not close anyways. They are always so quick to spread rumors and toss her aside to further their own careers or social standings. It has taught her that romance is impossible in its truest form. That at most she is a stepping stool to kickstart a career or a means to be in the limelight for even just a moment.

She hasn't a family to stick close to either, they had given up on her the moment she'd decided to become an actress. She can see why. One wrong move and she will lose it all, everything she has fought to earn.

And she is about to make one.

Most of all, the industry has taught her to hate herself. To critique herself until nothing seems right.

For all of the lessons, she keeps Baatar and his helping hand at arms length. He is kind and helping, but then, they always are in the beginning. He is just telling her pretty things to get a cut of her earnings.

But she needs to hear pretty things. She craves them.

She finishes fixing her hair into a braided bun and smooths out her dress. It is black in color, with a glitzy high-collar, sleeveless, and hugs her figure tightly. She moves back to her nightstand and plucks a pair of earrings that droop down and resemble small chandeliers. She doesn't like them, she doesn't like earrings in general, but many of the directors pushed them on her. Getting her ears pierced had been an unpleasant endevor in itself. She puts them in anyways and drapes a match necklace around her neck.

"You look perfect." Baatar comments, holding her by the waist.

He is wrong. If she did look perfect she would have landed the role already. But she is still...a work in progress as they so diplomatically put it.

"What's wrong?" He asks. "Do you want to go to a different place for dinner?"

She doesn't want to go anywhere for dinner. But she is hungry, very much so. "I'm fine." She says without much feeling.

He brushes her cheek with the back of her hand and lets it linger there for a moment. "For someone who is fine, you look pretty unhappy." He pauses. "Do you just want to stay home?"

"I've already gotten all dressed up."

.oOo.

Truth be told, she looks tired. Glamorous, but truly worn out and she only seems to grow more exhausted as the night goes on. She picks absently at her food, but doesn't go any further than pushing it around with her fork. "I don't know how things work for movie stars, but us common folk usually eat when we come to restaurants." He says with a chuckle. His playful jest only seems to sink her mood further. "Sorry," he mumbles. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

They are two months into their relationship and he still hasn't figured out how to navigate her moods. He hasn't even gotten a start on learning to do so. He doesn't know what else to say and he doesn't think that she even wants to make conversation.

Perhaps she doesn't care for him the way he cares for her and that is why her moods are so dour these days. He hasn't much else to say so he tosses caution and pride to the wind. "Do you want to be here right now?"

Kuvira stops fiddling with her fork.

Her silence remains and it is an answer enough.

He wants to shout, to ask her if he is just wasting his time, again. Instead he says, "I can take a hint." He stands, "don't worry about the bill, I can…"

Her fingers curl around his wrist. "I just don't want to be here."

He runs his fingers through his hairline. He wishes that she would have just said that to begin with. "Then where do you want to be?"

She shrugs.

.oOo.

She knows that she has agitated Baatar, of course she had, she had wasted his time after all. He accompanies her home, doing a fairly decent job at masking his annoyance. She should have just said no in the first place. The pangs in her stomach are getting worse, they do little to help her mood. Even less helpful is the pounding in her head. This is becoming regular too. She shivers, wishing that she had brought a jacket.

"I need to sit for a moment."

His irritation seems to shift into concern. "Are you sure that you're fine."

This time she shakes her head before burying it in knees that she has drawn up to her chest.

"No wonder you didn't touch your food." He mutters, giving her back a few careful rubs.

But he doesn't have it right. Not entirely, the man is actually quite horrible at taking hints. For a moment she thinks of telling him. If she did, she might not feel so alone. His back rubs turn into a few tender pats. "For our next date, do you want to see a doctor?"

This time his joke humors her some and she lets herself laugh a little. But it subsides to a hollow feeling of dread. She wants it to remain wholly a joke. "I don't need to see a doctor, it's just a fever…"

He nods. "If you change your mind…"

If for no other reason than to prove that a trip to the doctor's isn't necessary, she forces herself up, fighting the dizziness threatening to send her back down. She assumes that her motion hadn't been as steady as she intended because Baatar readies himself to catch her. She keeps herself upright on her own, but allows Baatar to take her hand. "Are you sure…"

She holds her hand up and nods. "I just. I need to get home."

Kuvira feels no better upon re-entering the house. She kicks off her heels but has little energy to do anything else. She very nearly falls upon her bed.

"You should really eat something, it would probably help."

Yes, she really should. But she can't, not until that role is hers…she needs it so desperately. She hasn't landed herself a lead role in ages and she knows that she is fading out of relevance.

She also knows that only has a month or so left to meet their standards.

She fears that it isn't enough time.

Baatar drops down onto the bed with her. His lips twitch as though he wants to speak. Instead he lays himself down and cuddles up to her, his hand cupped over hers. She gets the sense that he is beginning to piece things together-a prospect that cheers her and horrifies her all at once.


End file.
